


The Burning Memory

by SearchingWolf



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 18:21:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6577441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SearchingWolf/pseuds/SearchingWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Larka Lavellan's past comes back to haunt her, she must turn to her friends and loved one Solas to help her overcome the guilt and pain that has followed her for her entire life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Burning Memory

**Author's Note:**

> (Hi Guys! So I found this doozy on my computer that I did a long, long time ago. So I figured why not put it out there, maybe someone will enjoy it!)

_The sky was dark, a deep mahogany red, and dark swirls of smoke and ash spun and twisted around her. She could smell the acrid smoke, taste the dust and burnt in her mouth as she looked around, looking for some sign, any sign of him. Her feet trudged forward, her eyes watering as all she could see was smoke. Her foot bumped into something and she looked down, only to jump back with a small gasp of horror. A body, burned beyond recognition; no, two. No... She felt her breathe come in gasps as she tried to back farther away but now the burnt bodies surrounded her, they were everywhere. She turned to flee, only to see HIM standing in front of her. She stood still, listening to the quite wind blowing, the crackle of flames somewhere in the smoke, as she took him in. He looked as he did before, dark brown hair in a mess across his head, deep green eyes and that faintest hint of freckles across his cheeks._

_"Rannoch..." she heard her voice whisper and she raised a hand towards him._

_"I...am so sorry..." As she took a step towards him, his eyes started to glow red. The small, goofy smile he always wore was replaced with a terrifying, gruesome scowl. She dropped her hand as tears poured from her face, and she watched as bright orange flames began to creep up his body. She gasped and stumbled backwards as she watched him cook, his flesh turning black, his hair fringing and curling, and he raised a hand with burning, blackened fingernails towards her._

_"YOU PROMISED." his voice hissed, and as she watched him melt into flames she screamed and screamed in agony._

* * *

 

               Larka Lavellan bolted upright out of her bed as the scream from her nightmare died on her lips. She gripped the soft, cotton sheets in her hands as she tried to slow her breathing. _Just a dream....Just a dream..._ she chanted to herself as she used breathing exercises to try and stop her gasping and racing heart. After quite a few minutes of this she finally opened her eyes enough to look around, to guarantee that she was not still in that horrid place. Her room greeted her, a more elegant and stylish place than she was used to. She swung her legs over the side of her bed and sighed as they touched the cold floor. There was just the barest hint of light on the horizon out her window. She stood and went out onto the balcony, shivering slightly at the cold but enjoying it all the same. Her beautiful, deep auburn hair was messy so she used her fingers to comb it out, letting it fall softly to the middle of her back before she deftly tied it into a braid and wrapped it up around her head. She knew that she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep anyways, so she began getting dressed for the day. As she went to her desk, her hand drifted across a simple rock. It was just smaller than the palm of her hand, attached to a silver chain; the rock was a pale tan color, but the more you twisted it around the more silver, blue, and white colors came to eye.

                        She sighed as she picked it up and held it to her chest _. It's been two years now...usually I would visit the site of your death, but I haven't had the time or ability. What with being the Holy Andraste's chosen one..._ she thought to herself in scorn. Her beloved brother, who had given her his favorite rock, who had died so horribly. She had made the trek out to his death site every year since it happened, except the past two years. But for whatever reason, she could not stop the dreams from happening. She blamed it on the fact that she missed him, that the anniversary of his death weighed heavily on her. But he came into her dreams more and more, and each time it was more and more real.

_I promised never to forget you, dear brother..._ She thought sadly. _I never will._ She dropped the rock back onto the desk and headed out to start the day.

* * *

 

                Her friends were beginning to worry about her, she could see it in their eyes. Usually she was a jokester, she loved to hang out with Dorian and discuss Tevinter and gossip about everyone. She could always be found in the evenings playing Wicked Grace with Varric and Iron Bull. And the person she had grown most fond of, the elusive elf, Solas was her favorite to spend time with. She would always come to him with questions, and end up starry eyed on the floor begging for more stories of the fade. She was the First before she became Inquisitor, so she was naturally inquisitive about any and all kinds of magic. And since that first walk in the fade he had taken with her, and that kiss....they had definitely grown fond of each other. But Larka couldn't sleep. Her brother haunted her every dream, those red eyes and flames pressing into her waking hours. She had bags under her eyes and it was obvious the lack of sleep was affecting her. She blamed it on being run down, or being too busy, anything she could to throw everyone off, but they could tell something was wrong. They had gone out to take care of one of the rogue Templars of Cassandra's and Larka had been so weary that she had forgotten to use a barrier shield; if Solas hadn't used his magic to shove her out of the way, the Templar's guard she hadn't noticed would have ran her through. Solas, Cassandra, and Varric had all shot a knowing look at each other but Larka laughed and shook it off to being forgetful.

            She knew they were beginning to get suspicious so she decided to attend the nightly Wicked Grace party. She had been avoiding everyone but figured hey, why not get out. Maybe it would get her mind off of things. She was surprised to see Cole and Solas joining in the festivities, along with Iron Bull, Dorian, Sera, Varric and Blackwall.

              "Well, look who finally showed up!" Iron Bull roared and Larka felt a grin crack her tired face. "Come to toss your money to me? We were just about to start another round!"

              "Hardly," Larka quipped back, settling herself down between Dorian and Cole. "I figured I better come make sure you weren't getting too rich. Can't have you being better off than the Chosen One now can I?"

This got a loud roar of laughter from the table as cards were divvied up. She saw Solas looking at her with that deep, searching look, and she gave him a small smile and a nod. She leaned tiredly against Dorian who nudged her just the tiniest bit with his shoulder. She grinned at Cole who looked at her with those sad, knowing eyes and before he could say anything she jumped into the game. Varric passed out drinks and she helped herself to a couple before calling it quits. She knew if she drank too much it would make her more likely to sleep, and she had no intention of going to sleep anytime soon if she could help it.

          A few hours went by and everyone was enjoying themselves, including Larka. The music was loud, the laughter was boisterous, and she could forget about herself and her past for once. The bard had started a loud, joyous song and people were swinging and dancing in the middle of the tavern. Larka laughed and Dorian looped her arm through his and dragged her out onto the dance floor. She swirled and laughed, twirled and danced, enjoying the colors and warm colors and happy sounds.

           Then she saw him.

Just out of the corner of her eye as she was spinning, she saw him. She tried to stop but the people around her were still moving, and when she looked again he was gone. Larka looked around warily, and didn't see him again. I must really be that tired...she assured herself as she kept dancing, but less rambunctiously as before. She went a few more rounds and started when there, she saw him again. He was watching her with those red eyes, an evil grin across his face.

_No no no no no, this isn't real!_ Her mind screamed and she stopped in the middle of the dancing. No one seemed to notice in their happiness, but Larka knew, she could see him clear as day. She moved towards him and as a couple danced in front of him, he vanished. Larka looked around in panic and began to see him everywhere, his red eyes following her. Her chest began to feel tight and she couldn't breathe, couldn't see anything but those eyes. She had to get out, she had to run! Her breathing turned into gasps as she pushed and forced her way outside, past all the happy couples dancing and burst into the cold air of the courtyard. Her breathe puffed in gasps as she marched away from the tavern, the chill seeping into her mind and clearing it.

           "Tough time?" a voice sneered and she jumped around to find him, Rannoch, her brother there. She panted in fear, in horror, as she took a step back.

            "You...you can't be here," she stammered, and the evil grin on his face grew bigger. "You're dead..." He vanished and she heard his chuckle behind her and she whirled around to see him there.

              "Yes...I am, aren't I?" he chuckled. "Now...whose fault is that?" Larka's breathe caught in her throat as she felt the guilt hit her full blast. Rannoch simply stood there, laughing silently and evilly at her.

              "No...it wasn't my fault...it was an accident." she said, wringing her hands. "And this isn't real, you're dead! I'm just...tired, I'm not myself." Rannoch laughed as he paced circles around her.

              "Tired, huh? But not too tired to party? Too busy to come see your poor old, dead brother, huh sister?" Larka turned in circles, her eyes wide and panicked. "YOU PROMISED, sister."

              "Stop!" She cried, her hands covering her face. "I didn't forget you, I remember! YOU AREN'T REAL! LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

              "Inquisitor?"

              Larka whirled around to face, not Rannoch, but Solas. He was standing behind her in the cold, his eyes wary and full of concern.

              "Is everything all right?" he asked, taking a hesitant step towards her. Larka looked around her, running a hand through her hair. There was no sign of Rannoch anywhere, she must be going crazy. How could she have seen him, clear as day, as if he had never died?

               "Yes, I...I just needed some air," she stumbled through the words, shaking and trying not to meet his eyes directly. She knew they all thought she was crazy, she knew she must be going crazy.

               "Hot, panic, pain. Guilt and hurt, why wasn't it me? It should have been me, it was my fault all along, they never believed, persecuted and tossed away, why didn't they see?"

               Cole stepped out from around Solas, and Larka looked at him with an open mouth.

              "Cole..." she inturrupted, but he continued.

              "It wasn't your fault, you were both so young. Running, playing, curious of the world. No one would have known it could happen."

              "Cole!"

              "You felt the burning, watched it melt away, oh creators no what have they done, make them stop make them pay make them burn-"

             "STOP!"

              Larka shouted, and Cole stopped mid sentence. She looked at him, horrified, panting and her fists balled up at her side. Solas put a hand on Cole's shoulder as he stepped around him, closer to Raina.

              "I just want to help," Cole explained. "The pain, it eats away at you, chipping you down. I can help, I want to help."

              "No, Cole. You can't...you don't...this is NOT something you can help with, " Larka stammered, her eyes burning as she turned away. She felt the guilt, the pain, the burden building in her chest as Solas took another step towards her. "I have to keep this pain, this guilt. I promised...I promised him. I promised..."

              "Vehnan.." Solas said as he slowly folded her into his chest. She stood there shaking for a moment, desperately wanting to lose herself in his warm embrace, but she couldnt breathe, couldn't stop seeing those eyes, her poor brother. She took a deep, shaky breath, and turned and fled to her quarters with Cole and Solas standing in the cold behind her.

* * *

 

              She lived that way for a few more days, and whenever exhaustion pulled her into sleep the dreams got worse and worse. Her brother was always there, laughing at her, taunting her. Twice she woke up with burned finger marks into her arms, and she hastily wrapped and cooled them to make sure no one noticed. Cole and Solas kept trying to corner her on her own but she made herself busy, made sure any time she had spare was taken up. But she knew deep down what she would have to do, and she steeled herself for it.

               It was late one evening when she padded her way quietly to Solas' quarters. She gave Varric a small smile and nod as she passed him. When she entered, she simply stood looking at his marvelous paintings until she heard his soft footsteps approach her.

              "Inquisitor...to what do I owe the pleasure?" he said softly, a small smile across his face. Larka tried to return it but failed, and she sighed as she looked down at her feet.

              "Solas...I need your help," she said quietly, and she felt Solas step closer in front of her and tip her face up by her chin to look at him.

              "If it is within my power, I will do what I can," he said softly. She felt tears well up in her eyes and she closed them to keep them from coming out.

              "If I take you to a place I know of, can you take me into the fade with you? There is a memory that needs....resolved," she said, trying not to let her voice shake. Solas looked at her quizzically and pondered her question, but eventually nodded warily.

              "I believe I can, but I would insist we bring others with us for safety. Just in case," he responded, and she nodded in agreement. "Ma Vehnan, I wish you would tell me what troubles you so. I could help you sleep, if you like," he said warmly, and she looked up into those deep, wonderful eyes and nodded again.

             That night, as the nightmare started, she could feel the panic creep up on her as she tried to run from those red eyes and evil laugh. The flames licked her heels and the smoke burned her eyes and throat, tears welling up as she felt the presence close in on her. Just as she felt it at her back, a warm, cool sensation swept over her mind and the horrible nightmare was taken away. Just as she started to drift into peaceful sleep, she felt the faintest drift of a cool hand and the feeling like a cool, calm breeze on a warm day. Thank you...she thought as she drifted away, and she felt the smallest smile in her fade dreams before sleep enveloped her.

* * *

 

               The day after her wonderful night of sleep, Larka , Solas, Cole, and Iron Bull were found wandering a lonely, overgrown path in the wilderness.

              "How much longer is it? I voted for killing, not prancing around like a damned halla" Iron Bull complained, and Larka shot him a mischievous grin.

              "But Bull, you're just MADE for prancing and bounding and leaping," she smirked at him, and he took a swipe at her as she danced away laughing. She bounded over to Solas and nudged him with her shoulder, eyeing him warmly as she returned her smile.

              "Sleep well?" he asked, his mouth turned up in amusement."

              "I did, thank you. It was very peaceful," she replied, squeezing his hand briefly before jumping up to lead the way.

              "It's not that much farther anyway. And I don't hear Cole complaining!" She shot over her shoulder.

              "What would he have to complain about? He's a damned spirit/demon, he probably cant feel discomfort anyway!" Iron Bull grouched, and Cole launched into questioning if he truly did feel or not. Larka tuned out their banter as they drew closer and closer to the site she needed. The forest grew darker as the trees became closer together, and other than the faint stress and panic she was feeling in her chest, Larka felt at home. They set up camp by a small stream that was not that far away from where Larka needed to go. Cole and Iron bull would wait at the camp while Solas and Larka went the rest of the way. If trouble came about, they would need only call for help with a unique war horn Iron Bull had lent Larka.

               As Larka and Solas started the rest of their journey, Larka couldn't help but feel a little shy. To break the tension, she drudged over to him and offered a playful smile.

              "Boy Solas, you sure go slow. Are you that old? Should I carry you?" she chided, and he snorted in response but a grin pulled at the corner of his mouth.

              "No, little one, I believe I will do just fine. I have a staff, however, if I need walking assistance." he replied and Larka rolled her eyes.

              "Psh! I bet I could beat you any day. You seem too serious to move fast," she goaded, and by the glint in his eyes as he stopped and looked at her, she knew she had hit her mark.

               "Is that a bet, Inquisitor?" he asked, and the challenge sparkled in his eyes.

               "Possibly, IF you think it'd be a fair bet," she laughed back, and he nodded at her with a mischievous smile.

               "All right, Inquisitor. And what will we be the winnings?" he asked, arching an eyebrow. Larka grinned at him and she could tell he already knew her answer.

               "Another kiss. But this time, not in the fade" she said, and after a moment he nodded. "Ok, but don't be upset when I win," she goaded happily. She stretched her legs as she eyed him sideways.

               "Ready? On three. One...two..." And on two, she bolted for it, giggling madly as she darted from tree to tree. She could feel him running behind her, feel fingers graze across her back and she would dart away from them, dodging in and out of trees, leaping over rocks and creeks. She could hear his deep, rumble chuckle as they ran, and she felt like a child again running free, not a care in the world .

                She was just out of breathe when she felt her foot catch on a rock and she let out a small shriek as she pitched forward. But suddenly there were warm arms around her, catching her before she hit the ground. She looked up into his warm eyes, slightly out of breathe, and was pleased to see he was panting as well. Their faces were just inches apart and she could feel the heat between them. Just a little bit closer, to close the distance, and she could see the heat and desire in his eyes as well.

               At that moment, she caught sight of the clearing behind him, and her heart dropped. This was the place. He pulled back when he saw the look on her face, and he turned to look where she was looking. She slipped out of his embrace as she stumbled into the clearing.

              "This is the place," she said and he followed her into it. There was little growing and there was a haze floating over the place.

              "The veil is thin here...there must have been a great catastrophe," he remarked, and Larka sighed as she looked around at the thin grass.

             "Yeah...there was," she said softly as she spun in slow circles. There was not much green growth in the clearing, but here and there you could see what looked like old, burned remains of carts and crates, mounds of mossy overgrown things. She looked at Solas sadly and walked up to him.

             "Are you ready for this?" she asked.

             "I am if you are, my heart," he said. He took her hand and led her to the middle of the clearing where they sat and began their quest. 

* * *

 

              She stood in the clearing, and she could see the younger her, the bright hair and dirty knees. What was she, eleven, twelve? She was bound and chained, kneeling on the ground with rocks and dirt pushing painfully into her skin. She was covered in blood, her hair a ragged mess, but her eyes were for the boy in front of her. Her twin, mirrored image but male, his hair cut in a shorter fashion. His eyes were panicked as they stared back at her. The men around them laughed and laughed, slapping her and the boy for fun. She cried out, yelled his name as they piled straw and hay around the base of the pole he was tied too. Over and over again they questioned them, looking for any way to get the location of their Dalish camp from them, but they both knew what would happen if they talked. They knew it was their duty to protect their fellow Dalish, so neither of them said anything, no matter how bad the torture got. She struggled and the men pushed her down, into the dirt. She squirmed and struggled painfully, her eyes still on her brother. Her body was sore, lashed upon her back and bruises all up and down her body. The only lucky part of that day was that none of the male shems wanted to "sully" themselves by raping a dirty elven whore. But in that moment she was too terrified, to focused on her brother to even think about it. As the men brought the torch over, she knew it was hopeless.

             "Rannoch!! Look at me!" She shouted, and her poor brother stared into her eyes, trying not to look at his death coming towards him. "Just keep looking at me, brother. I love you! I won't forget you!" He cried and called for her.

             "Sister Please! Don't forget me! Remember me!" She cried over and over she would as the men dropped the torch onto the hay. Larka watched in horror as her brother was engulfed in flame, screaming and writhing as he burned alive, his skin splitting open and dripping into the embers below him. She screamed with him, twisting and writhing in the dirt as the men laughed and watched, stepping into her back. The rape, the torture, it was nothing compared to watching this. She screamed until her voice was gone, cried until her eyes were dry. Finally, blissfully, her brother stopped screaming and his charred remains slumped in his chains, as what little was left of him hung limp and smoked and smoldered.

              Larka sat there and as she watched the remains of her brother, she felt a rage swell in her she had never known. She saw red and as she looked around at the horrible men, the SHEMLEN, she wanted nothing more than to WATCH THEM ALL BURN. She felt a power well up inside her and as she released it, everyone around her was thrown back. She rose to her feet and as her skin and hair around her swirled, she looked at the men with red eyes.

             "FEN HAREL take you ALL!" She screamed and the entire camp exploded into flame around her. She relished their screams, their cries, as she burned them and their camp to the ground. It could have been minutes, days, years later when she finally came around, and there was nothing but smoking remains left. She slumped to the ground before her brother, his essence and charred embers the only thing left. She felt the rock around her neck, the birthday present from him, and crumpled to the ground in tears.

* * *

 

              When she awoke it was to the eyes of Solas sitting in front of her, and his eyes were full of sadness and pain. He silently took her into his arms and held her as sobs racked her body. They were like that for quite a while until Larka's cries had quieted down. He held her like that, in his lap, with her head on his shoulder.

            "When my clan found us, they thought it was me," She explained, and she felt Solas stiffen underneath her. "They thought that I had finally found my magic powers and that I had killed them all, including my brother, because I couldn't control it." The memories bit at her mind and she hugged Solas tighter as she kept talking.

            "My parents were horrified, the clan mortified. I didn't have the heart to disagree. It was my fault we got captured; I had insisted we explore the woods that day. I may not have killed him, but I had a hand in his death. They sent me to a different clan to be their first; they lied and said they had no room for another mage. I knew though....they didn't want a monster in their midst." Solas pulled her back to look into her eyes, his fingers lightly tracing the Vallaslin on her cheeks.

            "You are no monster, lethallan." He responded, looking at her fondly. "The Dalish are foolish and hard headed at best." Larka smiled sadly at him. "It was not your fault this happened. Monsters exist all around us; it was your courage and honor that allowed you to avenge your brother." She sniffed softly as she nodded into his chest.

             "I would come here every year, to honor his memory. I promised I wouldn't forget him. I think his spirit thought that since I hadn't come in so long, I must have forgotten," She said sadly.

             They sat like that for a moment only to be jolted up by a loud, rage filled scream behind them. From the ground, red and gold lava bubbled and broiled, and the form of a great rage demon, taller than the Iron Bull, stretched up from the ground. Larka felt herself take an involuntary step back, and Solas half stepped in front of her as the demon screamed at them. It reared up even taller, and Larka hunched down with her staff, gathering her magic around them. She heard a faint horn sound from beside her, but her eyes were for the monster in front of her. As it roiled and bubbled, it took on the shape of her brother, but mangled and burned and wild. He screamed at her, his eyes rolling madly in his head, and she shrieked in terror as she backed up.

             "How dare you be happy! Without me! You should have died, and I should have lived! You promised never to forget, you LIAR!" it screamed at her, and she felt it's hands grip her arms. She screamed in agony as its hands burned into her flesh and she felt a blast of energy and heard a roar of rage as the Iron Bull and Cole jumped into the fray. She tried to cry out to them to stop, it was her brother, but Solas yanked her back by her waist. She tried to fight him but to no avail and before she knew it, Cole and Iron Bull had dispatched the demon that was left of her brother. She burst free of Solas and stumbled to a halt before the remains of her brother.

             A soft, blue light lifted up out of it and warmly wrapped around her head. She felt a soft, warm hand caress her cheek and she stifled a sob as the feel of her twin, her brother, lifted up and away and was gone forever. She felt tears roll down her cheeks as she sat in the dirt, and Cole knelt beside her.

           "He was trapped here. That's why he wanted you to come back. He needed freed, and he wanted you free. He didn't want to be in rage forever. He forgives you, as you should forgive yourself."

           Larka looked up into Cole's soft, childlike yet wise eyes, and she felt tears well as she nodded. She finally felt that horrible, heavy weight lift off of her chest and she felt so tired, so relieved, and so free. She could live again. As the exhaustion took over her body, she felt Solas's warm hands envelope and lift her as they headed back to Skyhold. He began to sing an old, warming melody in Elvhen and before she knew it, she had drifted off to peaceful sleep with his loving voice in her mind.

 

_Thank you, brother._


End file.
